Idiotic Morons (Sorry, Inconveniencing Morons)
by lexieconextreme
Summary: Know those slow-moving groups of people that take up the entire hallway when you have limited time to make it to your destination? Yeah, Edward hates them too.


Ed was already running late when he walked into Central HQ, and the loud-mouthed group of soldiers in front of him didn't seem much inclined to move faster.

The bastard had set the latest meeting for this morning, and Ed had overslept. Like always. Really, that was one of the only reasons he was always late. Because he overslept.

And now, when he was actually _trying_ to get to Mustang's office on time, these soldiers absolutely _had_ to get in the way. Edward was seriously a few hallways away from Mustang, and these chattering soldiers- who were all yelling loudly at each other while simultaneously flirting with secretaries from multiple wings of the building, by the way- walked slowly down the hall together. Really. They didn't even have the decency to scrunch in together. They just spread across the hall in several long lines.

It was _beyond_ irritating. Ed had come all but running into the building and through the halls, only to come to a screeching halt and have to shuffle behind the boisterous men, fuming.

"Excuse me?" He asked at normal volume, wincing slightly at the crack in his voice. Edward was thirteen now, and puberty was doing him no favors. Realizing they wouldn't hear him, he raised his voice. "Hey!"

Two of the men turned to look at him, laughing when they saw the young teen. As readers know, at fifteen, Edward is still something of a pipsqueak at 4'11. Now just imagine how short he would've been at thirteen. One of the men bent down, putting his hands on his knees to stare Ed in the eyes, a mocking twinkle in his own.

"What's up, kid?" He asked, a smirk playing on his lips. Ed glared at him silently, willing himself to keep quiet. He would already be in enough trouble with Mustang for being so late. He didn't want to add starting a fight to the list.

"What's someone so small as you doin' here? You should be at home, helping your mommy with the chores!" The two men laughed, and Edward flushed an angry red.

"You know very fucking well who I am," he spat back, allowing his temper some free rein. "Let me past, I need to see Mustang."

"Oh, right!" The man snapped, as if Ed's identity were just now occurring to him. "Fullmetal, yeah?" He straightened, giving Ed an appraising look. "I still think you're too small to be here." He laughed loudly, ruffling Edward's hair. The man barely avoided getting his hand broken. "And you're _definitely_ too young to be cursing!"

He gestured to his friend, and the two walked to catch up to their group, once again filling the hall. Ed glared after them a moment. "Bastards," he grumbled, once again shuffling to walk behind the group.

He looked desperately for a way through the group, but there was nothing. Every time Ed would make a go for one of the holes, it would immediately fill itself. Ed stopped, groaned.

There was no other way to Mustang's office, and no way to get through them. Ed looked up at the ceiling. Well, maybe.

"Hey!" He shouted again. This time, they all turned to look, curiosity in their gazes. "Either walk quickly, or I'm shoving you out of the way!"

They all chuckled. "Yeah? And what're you going to do, kid?"

Ed grinned, then clapped his hands together, slammed them to the floor. The floor split down the middle of the group, and the patterned marble floor shifted beneath the soldiers' feet. They all stumbled with a short yell. The floor came up, and gently/possibly-more-roughly-than-Ed-would-ever-admit pushed them to the sides of the hall.

Edward walked down the crevice in the hall, looking straight ahead. "Maybe don't clutter the entire hallway when other people have stuff to do, yeah?" He looked back at the soldiers, considering. Should he take the miniature wall down, or no?

Finally deciding he didn't want a court-marshal, Ed again touched his hands together and put the floor back how it was before. He then walked away quickly, deciding he didn't want to wait for the possibly-angry soldiers to regain their balance and come after him. Quickly, he made it into Mustang's office.

"Fullmetal? Late again, I see. Too short to see the clock so you could arrive on time?"

* * *

 _~Two weeks later~_

"Fullmetal?"

"What, Colonel Idiot?"

"You performed alchemy on soldiers _inside_ HQ?"

"Not on _them_ , just on the floor around them!"

"...Why...?"

"...They wouldn't get out of the way. They took up the entire hall, and wouldn't move."

"So, what? You were so short they couldn't hear you asking them _politely_ to move."

"Fuck you, bastard."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Court-marshal, Fullmetal?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. _Screw_ you, Colonel Idiot."

"Better, Fullmetal."


End file.
